April 25th 2017
“Every good & perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
James 1:17
So.
There’s something new happening in me, happening in my life.
Come in close, listen up, it’s kind of a big deal.
Okay fine I give, it’s a really big deal.
Are you ready for this?
I am falling in love with a boy.
OH MY GOD.
I can’t stop saying that, and I don’t mean it as an expression. I mean I am literally freaking out TO God, like literally all day every day. I am shouting at God, not about God. OH MY SWEET JESUS WHY DO YOU GIVE GIFTS THAT MAKE ME FEEL SO CRAZY. Like that. OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD, SO BEAUTIFUL, SO REDEMPTIVE & HOLY. I CAN’T EVEN, I JUST CANNOT EVEN WITH HOW GORGEOUS YOU ARE. I am very very good at freaking out to God.
So.
As I mentioned.
I am falling in love with a boy.
That is a thing that is happening in my heart, happening in my life.
OH MY GOD.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more vulnerable, more afraid, more raw and wide open. Thus the freaking out.
Years & years ago, I made some decisions that left my heart broken & bloodied & gasping for life. I learned from that though, and I said NEVER AGAIN. Never again will I let myself get so wrapped up and carried away with a boy that I end up so empty & broken. So I took that bloodied heart of mine and I gave it to God. Take this please, I said. I am obviously incapable of taking decent care of it on my own, so God it is YOURS. My life is yours and my love life too. My whole heart is yours.
It’s been eight years, and God has indeed kept my heart very very safe for me. Thanks God, I appreciate it. It’s been real.
But.
Now… it’s like God has handed it back to me. It’s like God wants me to share it with a boy. With this boy.
And WOW. This is REAL SCARY. Lemme tell you. I am terrified. WHAT IF HE DROPS IT?! WHAT IF HE BREAKS IT. WHAT IF I BREAK IT. THIS IS TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY GOD. I CAN’T EVEN BE TRUSTED TO GET MY CHILDREN INTO BED ON TIME, HOW CAN I POSSIBLY BE TRUSTED WITH MY OWN HEART. IT’S THE WELLSPRING OF ALL LIFE FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, IT’S A REALLY BIG DEAL.
But. It’s like I feel God saying… chill out, homegirl. Just trust me. Every good and perfect gift is from *Me* –the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. This boy is a gift, a good & perfect gift from Me to you. And you’re right, Britt… you can’t trust him not to hurt you, and you can’t trust yourself not to hurt him either. But you can trust Me, and you can trust that if this is what I have for you… that it will be good, that it will be Holy, and that it will be beautiful.
Touche, God. Touche.
Let’s do this.
“Your Love is crashing over me, it’s surging like a raging sea. Immerse me in the wonder of Your Love. A downpour of unending grace, consuming all my reckless ways, my sins submerged, Your Love has saved my soul. Your Love is like a storm…”
-”Gracious Tempest”
so this is Love... 