Baby Love.

“I had a dream & I heard music & there were children standing around, but no one was dancing. I asked a little girl, why not? & she said they didn’t know how, or maybe they used to but they forgot & so I started to hop up & down & the children asked me, Is that dancing? & I laughed & said, no, that’s hopping, but at least it’s a start & soon everyone was hopping & laughing & it didn’t matter any more that no one was dancing.”

Week 7: Child Development

This week was SO beautiful for me, definitely in part due to the beautiful-ness in our teacher Leslie Freeman.  Leslie’s husband Scott taught us last week, and everything we covered last week about our God of Love and Justice spilled into this week as well, as we talked about the development of children and also children with disabilities.  Scott and Leslie have four sons: Kai, Ezra, Jude, and Koa, which made for lots of fun stories from them both, and definitely lots of wisdom from Leslie about the things she taught us, especially discipline.

I decided a long time ago that I would never spank my children, but my dilemma since then has been one of trying to figure out how to raise respectful kids while “sparing the rod.”  Lucky for me Leslie doesn’t believe in spanking either, and had lots of information about effective discipline.  The most important concept I took from that is that it’s scientifically proven that when children are afraid, their ability to learn stops.  When a parent puts fear into a situation by using physical discipline, or the threat of physical discipline, the child is actually unable to learn from that experience.  Leslie explained that instead of spankings or time-outs, she has time-ins on the couch, where she talks about what happened with her child and why it’s not okay to do what they did.  She also explained to us that when a child is too young to have a conversation with on the couch, they are also too young to have the ability to connect their actions with the punishment, so they won’t understand that they are being spanked because of their actions, they’ll only understand that they can’t trust their parent not to hurt them.

Interesting, right?

My very favorite thing that Leslie talked about is Attachment.  This is the theory that it is essential for babies to develop a secure relationship with at least one primary caregiver in order for them to develop normally.  A securely attached child will actually develop into a more independent adult, because they will feel safe to explore their world.  A secure attachment between a mother and her baby develops when the mom consistently meets the infant’s needs, which is why leaving a baby to cry is never ever EVER a good idea, because from that they will learn that what they have to say (through their cry) isn’t important, and that they can’t trust their parent to respond to them consistently.  Furthermore, the attachment relationship is a foundation on which every other relationship a child develops through their life will build upon.  Leslie told us passionately, “I am convinced that attachment is the heart of God.”  Why?  God’s intention for families is that they would model for a child the Love of Himself.  God wants to build a solid relationship with us, by consistently being there for us, and the more secure we are in our relationship with Him… the safer we will feel to live our lives, and the healthier our relationships will be with others.  It is SO interesting to me, and soon our school will have an entire week on attachment disorders.

Leslie told us that 5 year old Ezra processes things by singing songs he makes up to himself when he thinks that nobody is around, but she’ll write down the lyrics when she overhears him, and she sang us part of one of his songs, and it’s been making me laugh for days: “God is so big and so awesome and so great… and my brothers hit me sometimes and it hurts a lot, just like God dying on the cross… ”

I’ve been learning lots of facts in these months, and my favorite from this week is that newborns can only see 8-10 inches in front of them, which is the exact length between the faces of a mom and baby when baby is being breastfed.  Which has made me think a lot about how perfectly God has designed us, and with how much intention He created motherhood.  I’m reading the book “Why Not Women?” by Loren Cunningham, which explains in great depth the attitude Greeks, Romans, and even Jews had towards women when Jesus lived.  Because of the way women were portrayed in Greek and Roman mythology, women were usually viewed as evil, worthless, and sub-human, even by their husbands.  This week we talked about how much newborns need their MOM, and how in the first months of life the mother/baby relationship is the most important for the child.  I’ve been thinking how beautiful and redeeming it must have been for those oppressed women then, and even still now, that while most of society said “you are nothing” they would know that to their child they were literally everything.

The only downside to this week is that now.. I’m craving babies more than usual = ) ahaha.

Scarlet.

“I found out I’m nothing without you… because we belong together now, yeah!  Forever united here somehow, yeah!  You got a piece of me, and honestly… my life.. (my life) would suck.. (would suck) without You!”  -Kelly Clarkson

Week 6: The Nature & Character of God in the Face of Injustice.

“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.  There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.  there she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.  ‘In that day,’ declares the LORD, ‘you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.’ …I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.  I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.”  Hosea 2:14-16 & 19-20

I am a harlot.  There have been times when I have turned to other gods and loved the sacred raisin cakes, that is to say that I have chosen hate and lust and myself over God.  But still He Loves me.

Several years ago during a time when I was definitely NOT being faithful to God I was being prayed over by a woman who definitely was, and remember the prayer in my mind as I knelt there: “Jesus I want you, I WANT you.”  After she had prayed she told me that Jesus was telling her to tell me, “Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you.”  It took me awhile to obey that, but God was faithful in His promise to me, and He drew near, and I can still feel Him drawing nearer.

I do not deserve this kind of Love.  But this is the Love that is lavished upon me every day.

And THIS is the Character of God:  LOVE.

Our teacher this week was Scott Freeman, who is originally from California but who journeyed to us from Costa Rica, with his wife Leslie and two of their four sons.  “So, you have four kids?” Scott: “Yeah.. but the other two live in an orphanage. Just kidding!”  That is the character of this man who came to teach us on the Nature & Character of God: hilarious.

Humor is so refreshing amidst the swampy mess of injustices that we have been learning about as a school, and Scott definitely brought us a strong gust of refreshment. (I’ve ALMOST got abs-o-steel from laughing so much. = ) )  My very favorite day of classes was Tuesday, when both the Justice DTS and my CRS had class together, and Scott spent the entire three hours sharing the parts of his life story that most people would never tell anyone, years and years of messing up big time.  Fortunately he can see the humor in all of the senseless choices he made, and he definitely doesn’t take himself overly seriously, and therefore we were laughing through much of his testimony.  Scott told us his story because he wanted us to be able to more wholly understand the Love and the Grace of God.  No matter what we do His longing for us will never cease.  Scott expanded further on this by talking about God and the Israelites.  The way He so passionately Loves the Israelites is true also of the way He Loves all the rest of His children, including his children whom He told Israel to destroy in the Old Testament.

I have always struggled with understanding God in the Old Testament.  There are multiple accounts of when He completely wiped-out entire people groups–even the whole earth.  So many times I have read these parts of the Bible, and said sadly, “God, I just don’t get You.”  But we talked about the God of Justice this week as well, and I finally get it.  People do horrible things with the beautiful gift God gave us of free will, and the ways of practicing the religion of those people in the Bible were absolutely deplorable.  “The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.” Genesis 6:5  The way they lived was so absolutely wretched, they were suffering so much and there was absolutely no way that they would ever stop doing horrific things to each other and living in tragic misery that

the most Loving thing for God to do was destroy them completely.

God is Love, all the time, and He never does anything that isn’t Love… even wiping out His children.  I finally get it.  I know it’s hard to comprehend but it’s the only way that God can be both Just, Merciful, and Loving, and have done the things He did.  And might I just add: my love for the Scriptures is growing daily.  Scott also brought up another common mis-teaching within the church: our purpose.  Why were we created?  To glorify God?  To serve God?  I’ve been taught these things before… but if we look at Eden, our true purpose is clear: to have relationship with God.  Genesis says God created this beautiful place for Adam and Eve, and that He walked in the garden in the cool of the day.  He hung out with them!  In the garden!  That was how close and tangible God desired for our relationship with Him to be.  And this is the horror of sin: that God fell in Love with us, and we walked away.

“It’s such a bummer, man.” -Scott

Humanity continues to sin against God, breaking His heart over and over and over again, every single day.  How?  Because we won’t let Him LOVE us.  THIS is obedience to God: to let Him Love you, and that Love be the expression of your life.  A few weeks ago I got up super early to make a friend a birthday dessert, and I knew I wouldn’t have time that morning to read my Bible or spend a lot of time in focused prayer, so when I slipped out of my trailer as the sun was rising I whispered “I’m sorry Jesus, we’ll just have to cook together.”  About an hour later I was still in the kitchen, by myself in front of the stove, stirring the rice pudding with the sun sparkling through the glass and my thoughts circled back to Him.  And all of the sudden I felt Him in His Love like a soft gust of wind brush against my heart for a second, and I felt exactly as I would feel had He been there behind me in the kitchen, circling my waist with His hands, kissing my neck lightly.  Really.  And I immediately crumpled over, gasped sharply, my palm pressed against my chest, and whispered “Oh! Jesus..” because it was TOO intense not to react like that.  His Love is so beautiful.

This week my friend Ayumi was praying for me, and afterwords she said, “God gave me a picture for you.  Your hand is in His hand, and He is guiding you, and He says He will never leave you.”  I took Jesus’s hand for the first time when I was so little, and there were a lot of times that I pulled my hand out of His to run away, harlot that I’ve been.  But here I am, my hand is squeezing His so tight, and I know that I know that I know that I will never leave this Love again.  Because it was for this Love that I have been created.

“I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them.  I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily.  Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow.  His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon… He will flourish like the grain.  He will blossom like a vine…”  Hosea 14:5-7

Y Esa Montaña Se Movera!

“Look!  The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you.  The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty.”  James 5:4

Week 5: The Migrant Camp

On Tuesday morning I scrubbed myself extra clean, knowing it would be my last shower before spending the week in a very dirty place.  With one last look in the mirror and with much intention I unclasped the 20 dollar sparkles from my ears, and slipped the 12 dollar ring off my finger, an attempt to lessen the chasm I knew would exist between myself and the women in the migrant camp.

Poverty was a given, but besides this I had no idea what to expect during our four days an hour and a half south of the U.S. border.  What I experienced is still heavy in my heart, and I don’t know what it all means yet, but it was hard and it was fun and it was beautiful.

Mexico is a great place; the people are warm and funny, the many cultures and languages are richly vibrant, the jungles/beaches/deserts are vast and magnificently gorgeous, and I don’t even need to elaborate on the deliciousness of tacos.  But Mexico’s got some issues, one of which is their economy.  I think we all know that many Mexicans have immigrated illegally to the United States, but something I learned this week is that thousands of Mexicans from rural Mexico have been migrating throughout the past few decades to more populated areas within Mexico to find work.  Which is how places such as migrant camps come about.

The community that we stayed in was three long rectangular buildings in a row, with 10 rooms on each side of each building, resulting in 60 of these rooms in the camp.  Each room is 10 feet by 10 feet, dirt floor, with little to no sunlight.  I think only about 15 of these rooms were occupied while we were there, with anywhere from 2-9 people living inside.  It costs about 25 dollars a month to rent a room, and 80 cents a day for electricity.  Most of the work that the men do is agricultural, working in nearby fields from 5:00 in the morning until 3:00 in the afternoon, for which they are paid 10 dollars a day.  Yeah.  Unfortunately there isn’t always work to be found, which isn’t fun when you have a hungry family.

Upon our arrival to the camp we were greeted by many of the women and children in the community, most of whom moved here from the Southern state of Oaxaca.  After introducing ourselves we began working to clear the garbage out of the rooms where we would be staying, sweeping down spider-webs and dust, and painting white over multiple layers of chipped paint and graffiti.  We also began digging the hole for a new outhouse!  It took two days and four shovels, but we eventually had a 4×4 hole, 15 feet deep!  A major issue that the community had was their water drainage: many of the women wash their clothes and dishes right outside of their rooms, and although there were shallow ditches to allow the water to drain into a small field next to the homes… there was a whole lot of standing, black, water going on.  Using those same four shovels, we dug deep holes to allow for drainage in front of the women’s washing stations, deeper ditches, and filled in the field of black water with the dirt from the outhouse hole.

All throughout the week we were also playing with the swarms of children who would come to help us paint, and pick up trash, and be chased and tickled and cuddled.  One afternoon we gathered a group of little girls and taught them how to wash their hands, and after we all had clean hands we gave them pink and purple manicures!  The best part was watching the kids in the days that followed, carefully washing their hands at whatever chance they got.  My very favorite day was Thursday, when we put together a little VBS type of program for the kids, and at the same time invited the moms to come and talk with us and with each other over coffee and cookies.  We wanted to have this time for the moms because we had noticed that there didn’t seem to really be a sense of community in the camp, and we wanted to provide an atmosphere for them to develop friendships with each other.

Thursday afternoon I introduced myself to several women in one of the corner rooms, who moved here with their husbands and children from Oaxaca six months ago.  I had wanted to meet these women because that day I had noticed that one of them had a baby, which I hadn’t seen until then.  It was clear when I was standing in their room that I hadn’t seen the baby until that day because she spends most of her time inside that dark little room sitting in her stroller.  I asked if I could hold the baby, and when her sixteen year old mama said yes I walked over and picked her up, holding her in the air for a few seconds as streams of pee drained out of her drenched diaper.  I held her on my hip for a few minutes as I talked with her mom, before suggesting in my naivest voice that perhaps she needed a new diaper.  With a fresh baby Luz Maria in my arms, I asked when she was born, the answer: February 28th 2010.  THAT’S MY BIRTHDAY! I exclaimed with teary eyes as I felt the divine connection God had given this baby and me.  I explained to Luz (which means Light) about our birthday as she stared at me blankly, never fidgeting, never making any noise.  I asked her mom if I could bring her outside, and I spent the next hour talking to that baby, carrying her around in the sunlight to see everything going on in the camp, and then very intentionally staying right in front of her home, within sight and ear-shot of her mom, playing with Luz, talking to Luz, trying to model for her mom a way to interact with her child.  I think it took Luz about an hour before I got her to laugh, and when she did I was so happy!

If I had been in that situation a few months ago I would have thought the best thing for Luz would obviously be to be put with a family who could take better care of her.  In a home with space for her to play on the floor, so that by 12 months she would at least be able to crawl, but this school has changed the way I evaluate these types of situations.  I know God allowed her to be born in that family because He wants them to raise her, and as a Christian my role is to support families such as those.

There were several men who had been coming around the room throughout the day, but at one point when a man walked by Luz’s face lit up, and I asked him if he was her Papa.  He said yes, so I stood up and handed her to him, and the way he awkwardly looked at her and held her was slightly amusing but mostly just sad, and yet I knew it was the best thing for her.  I walked away and didn’t glance back at that home until a few hours later, and when I did I saw… Luz sitting OUTSIDE in her MAMA’S LAP, as her mom was cuddling her, and playing with her, and LUZ WAS SMILING!  Now, maybe that’s how they normally interact and I hadn’t noticed it, and that’s great, but if not.. maybe just maybe I helped teach that woman how to love her baby better.

We’re back at the base now, all of us united tighter together and freshly scrubbed and showered.  I can see my reflection in my laptop, earrings adorn my ears again, and my ring is on my finger.  I am still struggling to process this chasm of poverty, and understand more of how my wealth is connected to their poverty, how my lifestyle affects theirs, because I know that somehow it does, but God is good, and He is teaching me slowly.  I will never look at grown-in-Mexico produce the same, and I also have a whole new understanding of Mexican immigration to the States.  All things considered: this week was awesome.

Lisa deserves eternal thank-you’s for being brave enough to bring her camera… Thank You Lisa for the pictures!

‘Cause Baby You’re A Firework.

“Even brighter than the moon-moon-moon.  It’s always been inside of you-you-you, and now it’s time to let it through-through-through… ’cause Baby you’re a firework!” -Katy Perry

Week 4: Dominions & Domains

I learned a lot of very beautiful things last week, from some very beautiful people!  Two of our school staff, Ed & Kay Morales, were joined by the splendid Philippa Laird (a Kiwi!
Which is to say, from New Zealand!) to teach on the topic of “Dominions and Domains.”  I definitely did not know what that meant; I thought we would be talking about Spiritual Warfare, but to my great surprise and delight we talked about Social Justice, Cartwheels, and even MTV.  What?

Social Justice & The Christian Church

Gandhi once said something that never ceases to inspire me to action, because I want so desperately for his statement to no longer ring true.

“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.”

Ouch! Right? I think Gandhi is definitely stereotyping, but he has a point. Why isn’t the Church MOVING in the world with so much passion that people would never say things like this? Good question, and I might even have a little bit of an answer! One of my favorite things that Philippa talked about this week is our history as the Church. For at least the first 1500 years of our existence, we were changing the world: transforming nations! Missionaries would go into other nations with professions, bringing education and healthcare, improving the overall well-being of the people AS WELL as sharing Jesus. During the reformation the church was looked to as an example of establishing governments that would be fair, strong, and stable. So what happened? Phillipa explained that several hundred years ago part of the church began to believe that our role as Christians was only to ensure that people were taken care of, that they had food, shelter, healthcare and education, and that their salvation was God’s business and not ours. In response to that, another portion of the Church said that ensuring salvation is the ONLY thing that matters.

This is how a thing called Split-Thinking developed.

When we look at the life of Jesus it is obvious that both types of ministry are important to Him. He traveled around healing the sick, providing food for the masses, AND sharing the truth about our Holy Father by preaching to the crowds and discipling his friends. Mercy + Evangelism.

Back to Split-Thinking we can see that this is still very much how many Christians view the world today. Some things are viewed as sacred and others as secular.  (Evangelism vs. Social Action, God vs. Politics, 700 Club vs. MTV, etc.)  This is where the domains of society come into play: Family, Government, Education, Church, Science & Technology, Economics, Communication, and Art. Each of these domains was designed by God so that the world could and would learn who God is, because they are representations of who He is. The Scriptures speak about these domains because all aspects of life are sacred and important to God, and our role as Christians is to soak all areas of society with the Love of God. So, let’s become more like our Christ.

My other most very favorite thing that Phillipa talked about is something that is almost always in conflict within me. Does God have a plan for my life? Uh-oh.

An amazing man named Joseph covered this during my DTS, and it was the most freeing, liberating, and exciting thing I’ve ever been taught. I remember Him saying that our freedom in Christ is WIDE, that we don’t always have to wait on the voice of God before making every decision because God wants us to decide things for ourselves! Well, several months later I found myself having to make some very big choices, and I said “GOD! I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! PLEASE JUST TELL ME, I WANT YOU TO HAVE A PLAN FOR ME!” Because sometimes it’s less scary to not have to make decisions for yourself, you know? But it’s also a lot like walking a tightrope.. because you’re always worried about whether or not you’re doing God’s will. So this is why it was both incredibly freeing, and also terrifying when Philippa began talking about that concept again, about how much God loves choice. That He hasn’t pre-scripted my life because He wants ME to build my life WITH HIM… not try to figure out what He has planned. In my heart of hearts I believe this to be true, but I think my mind has a hard time wrapping itself around the fact that God could be so good and gracious and trusting with me.

I’ve also struggled with this concept before because I have definitely felt God lead me places before that I wouldn’t have ended up in on my own, in which case it certainly feels like He had something perfectly planned. One of my fellow classmates explained this though in a way that brings much clarity to it all: “Some people are in a process of God weaning them off of a very strict dependence on Him and His guidance.” But.. ultimately, God wants us to be able to make good, Holy, choices without Him telling us exactly what we should do. Shawn also said, “The important thing is to be relational with God, and to keep talking through your life and your decisions with Him.” To journey WITH Him.

My week outside of class was quite wonderful also, at Circulo Andante (the ministry I help with on Thursdays: teaching 1st & 2nd graders in a poor neighborhood) we worked on the letters B, P, C, & D (as they all rhyme in Spanish!)  We played bingo with our worksheets (which first involved five minutes of searching for little rocks to cover our squares), colored a picture of a goat, AND I was informed that I would be teaching the next class!  It should be interesting… = )

Much Love to you all!

Ca·pa·ble

“What if we all got along & people loved each other & sang songs about peace? he said. Would that be a good world? & I said I didn’t know about that, but it would be a good summer camp & he looked at me & shook his head & said, It’s no wonder you’re leaving us with such a mess.”

Week 3: Project Planning

My cousins and I formed a club over a decade ago; we call ourselves the GEMS, which is an acronym for Girls Experiencing Magnificent Stuff!  We were rather eloquent.)  = )  The concept of club-forming is nothing new, but we really didn’t have the slightest clue of how to begin such a task, which, as I learned this week, isn’t a good way to start a project.  We were quite ambitious and therefore our club did have goals: to be great friends and to help our community!  We continue to succeed at being marvelous friends, but because of a lack of good planning we only ever did one thing together to help our community, which we were very proud of!  After spending many weeks preparing for and having a fundraiser rummage sale, we were able to raise seventy dollars!  The money was placed inside our top secret funds guarder (an emerald green, faux-leather, vintage purse) and entrusted to our math-whiz treasurer, Kali.  That purse stayed in her closet for years (earning interest, of course) before we were finally able to agree upon a worthy cause: the Beltrami County Humane Society, our local no kill animal shelter!  Anyway, all of this to say: planning is essential!

It’s an obvious concept, really, but the very brilliant Dave Swann is the first to convince me of it.  I think sometimes as Christians it’s implied that the “holiest” thing to do is let God guide you step-by-step, but actually… the good LORD has given us a vast wealth of ability and resources to create things efficiently and effectively, which includes creating a plan!  We spent the last half of our week planning a hypothetical project, which has enabled me to feel not only capable, but also ABLE!  We brought to mind an actual neighborhood in Tijuana that the base visits and developed a project to address an issue in that neighborhood.  The four other ladies on my team and I decided to create a drop-in center ministry for children and their mums, to help them learn new skills in a safe, relational environment.  We used principles Dave had taught us to develop our ministry plan, so we researched, prayed, established goals & objectives, decided upon activities, and talked about how we would monitor our progress in order that we would know if we were succeeding or not.  Because really, how will you know if you’re making any progress if you hadn’t decided how to monitor it?  Planning=brilliant!

I thoroughly enjoyed the project planning process because I realized how possible it would be for me to actually do such a thing in real life.  Yes it was challenging, and I still have much to learn, but I would feel comfortable sitting down with a vision, drawing out a plan of how to get from A to B, and trying to accomplish it.  The most important truth that Dave Spoke to us, however, came on day number one.  “It’s all about other people, empowering other people to become successful.”  The theme thus far in this school has been that the simplest of concepts are the most profound truths we’ve uncovered.  This concept is actually one that my heart has been pondering for most of the past year, when I realized that this desire of mine to “help people” was maybe not as beneficial to others as I thought.  I started this pondering process when my best friend Claire shared a quote with me that has now been in my mind for months:

“If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time; but if you are here because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”

Lilla Watson

Sometimes it’s easy to forget how connected all of humanity is, and it’s easy to forget that the poorest, dirtiest, least-educated person in the world has just as much potential as the wealthiest, cleanest, and smartest.  It’s easy to forget that we need to come alongside others in their efforts to give themselves a better life, that our role is to empower them to help themselves, and not just “help them.”  Janna talked about this during our first week of classes as well, and I felt the same familiar shiver of conviction that I felt when Dave spoke this truth to us again.  Convictions aren’t always pleasant to face, but this is why I’m here, to fill myself with truth, and get rid of all the rest.

Dave truly talked about so much that was good, another favorite truth that is transcribed into my notes is,

“The fact that men & women are both created in God’s image could totally revolutionize the world, if we all really believed it.”

I have been learning about a whole lot of injustices against women lately, and it’s beginning to absolutely break my heart.  Worldview is another topic we covered this week, which is so vitally important because a person’s view of how they perceive God and themselves and each other affects every part of their life.  We need to teach people WHO God is, because when people have an understanding of WHY Christ taught us to live how He did, they will be truly changed.  If the whole world were to understand the worth and the value and the dignity that God has given to them and to everyone else, we would be radically transformed.

“We’re never the same, we’re never the same after we encounter the Love of God!  We’re never the same.”  Kim Walker